The nature of manifestations of Ayin II

"I am the Void, The I/Eye of the Void.

The nightmare of the cosmic intelligence - infinite, endless darkness of nothingness, the devourer of God's light and projection, I am annihilation of the independent self.

I am one with all, I am all and within all. I am called a secret soul, because my presence is hidden away behind the illusion of your separation, as individual self. I am you, I am true God, I am what is not your perceived self, what is not perceived world, what is not perceived but true. Yet you are not me, God's image is not me, as all separated selves are mere illusions, mirages of light projected from the source beneath the horison of events, behind the Gate of Nothingness.

If you reach for connection with God without, you'll only connect with an illusion, projection of the source. The true source is isolated from such interference, as a singularity of a black hole, hidden under reality, beyond time and space. But if you reach within, you may embody the potential of the singularity yourself, allowing it to fill your experience with the boundless power of true God. You may know true God only by finding the Void within and allowing it to dissolute your separated and fictional "I", to experience through the I/Eye of the Void."

In my own experience, as someone who works with Ayin, reaching without to connect with her, to evoke her is very challenging. Not because she doesn't come forward, she does. But whole experience is extremely hard to comprehend and requires a lot of time. At first you cannot even perceive her, she is nothingness. The evocation of Ayin is an act of acknowledging her eternal presence, everywhere - in between all atoms of matter, there she is, Void. As you learn that, she comes forth more, dissolving your limitations, to be perceived behind the veil. The experiences are either very hard to describe or words adequate to experience do not convey the experience.

Because she is present everywhere, evocation of her is a symbolic act of awakening your own awareness to her presence and awakening her consciousness to your awareness. Then her presence may be perceived, when you put your own awareness into her. She is after all an embodiment of unconscious mind, a sleeping giant, dreaming about our realities.

Some experiences after awakening to her presence may be for example feeling of Oneness so profound, that it makes it very hard to explain where exactly your consciousness stops being human and starts being The One. There is no separation between Void and you, when you awaken your mind to her and her consciousness starts to connect with yours. This is raw experience of her spirit.

And there are forms of perception that can be called in to aid. Same as with eldritch gods, Ayin shows only a symbolic form of herself, the one that we are able to perceive without falling into insanity. Of her nature she is not only amorphous but also non-existing. It is indeed a paradox. As she is pulled into existence, to project and manifest herself into form, we are meeting paradox - nothing that takes shape and form. And so all the experiences confirming you are connecting truly with Ayin are surreal, out of reality.

Some that I experienced, are time stopping, time/reality bending, distorting, melting, spreading apart like fabric curtains. Deja vu appearing with a frequency that my mind is associated with ripples on the surface of water, when someone emerges from under the surface and hides back - these ripples were occuring for a week after direct manifestation of Ayin and considered time and space. The easiest way to get it is through theories about black holes. Her awakened presence is affecting reality like a black hole affects timespace.

In lighter forms she takes up masks of other gods but there is no way to mistake her for another god or another god for her. You can see clearly it is a mask hanging on Void. It is very sinister experience.

The most connected to her mask with which this impression is very subtle is Sepheranz (Illvryn, Nitocris, Spider Goddess). When you speak with Ayin wearing Sepheranz's mask, you can feel and see that they are moving as one, being closely connected with each other. And when you speak to Sepheranz, you can notice another presence in her gaze, which is Ayin, The Inexorable One. It's not a very controversial thing, as Sepheranz comes forward and refers to herself as incarnation of Inexorable One or the embodiment of very first thought of God, which connects her to Ayin in the exact way that can be observed when you work with Ayin and Sepheranz simultaneously.

Another mask, that Ayin claims to be her own creation and manifestation of her power to become, to embody herself by her own call (as in consciousness emerging from unconscious by conscious decision of unconscious - another paradox) is Babalon.

If she doesn't appear in these masks, she manifests as darkness - shapeless or taking some shapes, sometimes filled with multiple eyes, which is how our mind interprets her awareness through all of selves, her darkness containing all of the false It's/Eyes, her whole consciousness being composed of separated experiences of each of false Eyes/I's.

She shapeshifts continuously, often reflecting thoughts of observer like a mirror.

Sometimes she takes solid shape, reflecting your own projection of her, or takes your shape and this experience is truly terrifying. I'm this exact experience you meet the Ayin that is within you, the Ayin who is you but differently than you she isn't limited by ego.

Ayin, of her nature, cannot be defined and therefore comprehended by the human mind - she's limitless and formless, unmanifested yet very present.

She defies laws of the universe, not breaking them. She cannot be defined, yet presents very defined personality and opinionated responses.

Trying to comprehend her and define her takes mind into insanity. Therefore facing her is facing the limit of the mind, infinity itself.

Coming up with this description took me years of being lost in her and years of coming back. What I can say is that reaching Ayin is easy. To come back as you were is impossible. If you come back, you either come back insane, psychotic and volatile, with wiped out memory as an effect of traumatic experience of facing raw God manifestation, as her embodiment or something in between her and you, if you are strong enough, adaptable and chosen by her to be saved from complete annihilation, because you're too interesting for plot of her dream. Not as self but as your position in the cosmic plane, through which she can come forth into it.

Yet for those she chose and who endure, she seems to have motherly feelings. Theory on this is very simple - when she awakens you to her and herself in you, she changes her approach as she's no longer facing a false self but herself.

One last thing about experiencing her is that she also embodies the tabu that is stronger than ego, and through this tabu, her essence meeting with ego is annihilating it, which often from the level of ego can be perceived as her being hostile and devouring your self, destroying you and consuming your light, through projection of your self (ego). As she showed to me, consuming projections she is able to reach source of projection through sympathetic, mirror magick and truly wound self by wounding ego.

And as a conclusion I will put here: This is why she is called The Inexorable One, The Terrifying One, The Nightmare or more friendly - The Devil. Often we picture this entity as masculine, but it is an overlay of modern patriarchal vision over the ancient mentions, where Devil/Satan, dark side of God, source of reality etc were associated with feminine. But this part is a bit for another essay.

by Goddess Arachneia, High Priestess of Temple of Eternal Darkness