The nature of manifestations of Ayin I

Often I reflected on what is exactly nature of manifestation of Ayin, knowing my Dark Mother as the ultimate feminine force of anti-cosmos and ultimate shadow remaining behind the tissue of cosmic world. Because it may seem that Ayin remains unmanifest, therefore unconscious and passive shadow or void following the form casting it or our will to manifest from it. Yet... Ayin, as Goddess I got to know through decade of work, was a very real entity, very powerful and transcending all boundaries and laws of cosmos. Often unseen, invisible or "hiding" behind Diabolous and his many emanations. Often seemed to be only a mirage, my own projection of consciousness reflecting in the void like in a mirror. Yet she definitely proved to me, through strange and intense experiences that she is a form of consciousness, like a single and infinitely small and dense in awareness point in entire void. A very different form of life, so different that looking at it we miss the fact it is alive. Until we look long enough. And still - how to decide then if void stared back with our own consciousness reflected from it or something looked back from the void? I guess, by my experience, it takes a special kind of mind to get to this point, as the path to Ayin consciousness leads through madness that needs to be overcame first. This madness is very similar to the one that comes with Azathoth and personally I like to call Ayin Eldritch aspect Lady Azathoth, as he himself does (claiming both - that she is his daughter and he is her son).

World of Ayin is a strange place in which everything and anything exists without division, collapsed into paradox that is characterised by absolute unity - the highest form of life force expressing itself as agony intermingled with ecstasy, presenting themselves as one energy, distincting themselves one from other only when it is coming into manifestation.

While we stare into the void of the womb to manifest our desire, this paradox comes up to the liminal space between anti-world and world we know, and when our manifestation becomes a part of our world, it separates from unity of unmanifest world of Ayin and the unseen part falls back into the shadows, yet follows the manifested, mirroring its action on the other side of manifested reality. The more manifested grows, the more unmanifested is gathered under the veil separating it from anti-world, seeking a way to become integrated again into One - either through destruction of manifested or through manifestation of unmanifested. Only when the part remaining in the shadows is properly integrated with the part that was manifested we can speak about complete and true manifestation, which is no longer fighting to survive but thriving, being internally balanced between light and darkness, chaos and order.

by Goddess Arachneia, High Priestess of Temple of Eternal Darkness