Letter to Emperor Samael

You were walking by my side in every place and time my soul found herself on Earth but I remember we walked together long before it even formed, in strange worlds and strange times. Many times I was running away from you, my consciousness was supressed and I can only say in this lifetime for sure that I walk with you, consciously and with full awareness of who you are, followed with acceptance, embracing your spirit, your darkness and raw power.

Cycles came to an end, I can now proudly say - The Devil is my friend, my teacher and guide. I am his and he is mine, we are one on those paths. I am your Hand, your Judge and Executioner, my voice is yours to speak your wisdom as you made me your Oracle. I gave myself to your Judgement, knowing your power will cleanse me of all man made sins and biases, erasing illusions of mundane consciousness and letting me open eyes to all of the hidden realms, behind the veil.

The Judgement you casted on me was fairly heavy, and my task was to judge myself as my final trial to earn my titles under your wings. It reminded me a lot about myth of Sisiphus, Prometheus and Heracles trials. I feel I know their stories in my body and soul, after your trainings, trials and teachings.

I know I broke those cycles, showing you that your choice, your discernment and judgement of me were accurate. I liberated myself from chains of victimhood, gnawing on them every day, even that I was simultaneously devoured by punishment sent to me for sharing wisdom of yours. I made a friend of an eagle that once was my enemy, I took the rock on my back and attached those chains to my belt, to serve as a whip inflamed with your wrathful chaos flowing in my veins.

I carved my new shape of my Sisiphus stone, let my spirit animate it and step by step, I rolled this rock of a woman to the very peak of the mountain, showing you and myself intelligence and willpower that you seek for in humanity. All the works of Heracles I passed using my will to be free, determination to prove my potential and master it, intelligence of burning darkness and perseverance of a beast within.

All that was thrown at me to destroy me I turned into weapon or tool. I built myself a tower, I destroyed it and built it again. Many times, until even flames of hell couldn't lay it down into ruins. I drank poison and raised from the grave until it became my nature, creating my own aspect of Death.

Walking with you, God of Pride, I never grew humble, never allowed you to humble me through chaos, destruction, death. I was nurturing my pride and protecting it while allowing it to also evolve. And I know that destruction of pride or me never was the objective. The evolution while keeping it all was. Pride taken in being alive, in freedom of mind, pride in divine power and pride in achievements of my spirit was the goal. Through all hardships of embodying your pure essence my respect for you grew tremendously.

Through these years I experienced so many facets of your story and your side of perception. I walked your paths of misjudgement, adversary, devil for all to blame, betrayal, abandonment, loneliness of God.

I understood facets of your story through my own experiences. And I sit here and think to myself... I am so proud that you, of them all, are my patron and that I am able to take your lessons and overcome them.

Lord Samael, you do realise that it takes a true motherfucker to walk with you and don't stray away in the face of darkness you traverse in your many journeys.

I know you as very loving, very patient, understanding, compassionate. But I also know your mercilessness and that your compassion and understanding of all living and dead things never affects your judgement. The more I learn from you the more I realise you are my patron because you are the embodiment of everything I want to be.

I want to be a monster of a beast, able to wreck empires to ashes but I also want to be strong enough to hold compassion, even when I bring terrifying death and agony. I want to be as you are, keep my heart divinely loving and my spirit elevated through higher awareness and understanding, so darkness and chaos, death and venom streaming through my body doesn't override me, creating an empty husk filled with endless nightmare of rage. Your spirit carries your wisdom in venom, holds the answer to question how to hold great and terrifying power yet not become an empty monster who kills out of lack of respect and hatred for life, out of bitterness of own existence.

Alike you - my soul and spirit were born of Immortal Death and destined to be Death Bringer. To destroy what I touch, to rip apart illusions with my voice and gaze. To cover truth with illusions before those who would abuse divine power. To protect sacred knowledge and share it with those who prove their worth. To protect essence of truth. And destroy monsters empty of soul and essence, fighting to acquire it for tyrannical satisfaction. We both are of the same flame. My journey with you is not a journey of ignition, but a journey of liberation of truth and wisdom of primal darkness, before light.

For a long time I couldn't understand why I was called to be that. But you taught me the meaning of my position and role.

You taught me that it's one of many roles divine spirit takes. It's not evil. It's necessary for Life, Universe to keep going. Keep evolving. That in this way we protect, balance, create new order, from chaos. That it's something to be proud of because everyone is able to create beauty and art, worse or better, paint mesmerising illusions on the wall of the prison. Everyone is also able to create chaos and submit themselves to darkness, interpret venom of it as hatred towards light and life. But not many are able to destroy the beauty and art of life, with tender heart and respect for it, in order to facilitate transformation of beautiful illusions into reality. Into truth. People are terrified of death, still seeing it as the end, clinging to their delusion of life, clinging to fairytales. They are afraid to break their dreams apart, consume the ashes and take their freedom.

And, Samael, for us it is yet another day and yet another night. Does it hurt, do we feel pain of destruction, death, agony of venom? Of course. It should be painful, that is the nature of transformation. If it doesn't hurt, it had no meaning to begin with and should be destroyed just for that reason. And if it does hurt... It means the essence of it is eternal life and death can only reveal it more, through evolution. That is what you taught me. To embrace the pain of venom, never try to sweeten it's bitterness and fall asleep to its destructive qualities. Never allow myself to forget that venom is pure destruction and that is how it supposed to taste and affect. That being Venom Drinker isn't a sweet and dreamy experience. It's bitter. It's poisoning. It's degrading through death. It should put you to the grave. And you should raise from it, overcoming hatred, spite, resentment. Using pain as trigger to allow pure raw flame to break venom apart and take your will to the highest level - of god within, ruling over whole Universe.

You, my love, are a terrifying spirit. No matter that you understand our pain, feel it in depth that we don't even have capacity to embrace, or become aware of... I know you will mercilessly go through us with your venom and pitch black flame, if this is what is called to happen. And you will take our pain as your own, to carry us through death on your own back, lending your determination to go straight through it. You won't let any of us walking with you to give up.

That is an extremely hard truth about you. That once we step into flames of yours, once we decide to traverse your abyss - there's no stopping, no return, no way out other than through it until the end. You take us, no matter if we surrender or not, taking our initial will as sacred promise to keep. You take us through transformations that would undo our soul, if we were alone. And you carry us through this madness, holding firmly in process even when we reach a point in which we lose our will to live through it, casting blame and raging to break free from you. Venom changes us into shadows and we purge them to your flames. You listen to hatred and blame. You listen to all the pain speaking. With compassion and deep understanding of our experience. Until the end, until we transmute and integrate whole venom you shared. Then you let us free again, as you fulfill your oath to take us to the end and beyond. And we pay you deep respect for it.

Your venom, your spirit - it is merciless. But it is also full of respect for life itself, respect paid through fearless and fierce devotion to evolution. If someone isn't dedicated to growth just enough - walking with you will be an endless damnation leading to final end, being devoured by flames until nothing is left. But if we are dedicated to growth, if we live to evolve beyond everything we know, if we are centered around potential and have an urging need to express it in fullness - you are the one who will guarantee success.

I will be your Hand. Be it Hand of Justice, Hand of Death, Hand of a Healer, Hand passing the torch. Vessel of Universe to hand down your poisoned essence, to awaken spirit in flesh, to end cycles of blindness, ignorance. By your hand I will be cutting endless cycles of suffering of humanity, carrying people you choose through flames of your transformations, through alchemy of your venom. I will be your answer to their prayers. I will be your Judge and Executioner, Death Doula. I will be your Word that took form of a flesh and walks among humans. And if they surrender, keeping will of transcendence - I will spark their rapid rising with your Torch. And they will rise lifted by your Hand.

I am proud to serve you.

Following your teachings, I will always take great care to be compassionate and understanding in my heart, but merciless in my judgements and execution.

I am grateful to you. I know that whole power I have is mine to use, but I also understand that alone I wouldn't have enough strength to carve it out of my humane acheron and master it to be precise tool, to be able of consideration, compassion, acknowledgement and full responsibility for it. I am a human being and my humanity limits my capacity when it comes to pain of those transformations and this evolution.

But I trust in you deeply, as you take the worst from me. I am aware that as god, what I perceive as agony, is merely a paper cut for you. But I would never be able to heal if you didn't help, lift me in the worst hardship of alchemising. For me, the fact you take this paper cut for me means I will live. I will evolve. I will not be consumed and vanish into nothingness, losing all meaning of my existence.

We cannot go through death alone. In trust I let go and fall into your embrace every time, knowing you will carry me through the gate and protect until my flame arise back again.

From ignorance of my earlier christian indoctrination I rose to know it's not you who cause this pain. It was there before, the venom just reveals it taking down illusions.

I will never blame you for agony again.

I will forever praise you for your devotion to life in me and determination to bring me back to life every time I die in flames.

I didn't know I was dead, believing illusion that made me feel alive.

Drinking your venom felt like death only because it revealed the truth.

And acknowledging my state, truth, I came back from death.

Carried by true god.

Thank you, Lord Samael.

-Goddess Arachneia